Reaping the Seeds of Misunderstanding

Yesterday I witnessed an altercation between some parents at a youth sports event. The details are unimportant, there was yelling in front of children, power threats and the like. I can't get away from my mental reaction to it all.

Firstly, the haze I've been in lately became more defined as I realized that right now I am just unable to process events as they occur if they're anything but ordinary. I stood there and watched and was completely paralyzed. I felt myself starting in one direction, then abruptly stopping and going in another - both mentally and physically. I imagine my mental cognition of these things right now as a flowing river that's been slowly dammed up. Or a traffic queue that has a very short light. There's only so much processing time or power or whatever for dealing with emotions that they just get backed up and have to wait their turn. This of course took several hours for me to realize. In the meantime I felt like a fool, trying to look like I knew what I was doing.

Another thing that seems to have gotten to me and disturbed me more deeply than I expected, was the level of anger and lack of control. This was like a follow up case study for me after a recent conversation with a friend about anger. It's just such a pure reaction. There's no premeditation to it, at least it's initial outburst. This is obviously where the cliché to take a 'deep breath' comes from. For the next hour during the game, my heart was racing. It gave me such anxiety.

Now this is obvious, especially if you lack the details, but the context of this argument was a kid's game. Let's break this down. When you're dealing with kids, especially young, impressionable kids, you're constantly on stage setting an example. Yelling and threatening another adult in their presence sets a poor one. Secondly, it's a game. Fun, enjoyment, lacking a serious aspect. Competitive - yes, but in a friendly way.

As I tried to digest how I really felt about this in the ensuing car ride, I finally settled on the thought that each of the parties involved loves what they're doing. They do it for their own children and themselves. They spend hours of volunteer time each week, coaching, organizing, shuttling and calling. When you invest this much time into something, not to mention if your child is involved as well, it is easy to have an expectation about how things should come together. Letting go of these expectations is not always an easy thing to do. Some do it better than others. In the end, that is what diffused this situation. A little talking, yes - some ignoring. But waiting until cooler emotions could emerge is always a good idea.

In the end, let's make sure the kids have fun and enjoy their games. Hopefully they also learn a little something while on, and off, the field.