To Be Or Not To Be

Lately I've been faced with several life-altering decisions. They are of varying degrees of magnitude, but life-altering just the same. I suppose one could argue that each decision one makes could be life altering, in fact every decision forms the life we lead, whether it be the choice to cross the street at a certain intersection or to abandon one's job to pursue a life-long dream. Only the effects of the latter are far more evident at the onset, but perhaps just as formative of our future course.

I know from experience that each decision carries with it pros and cons. I know that I cannot possibly imagine all the outcomes, all the variables, all the emotions and reactions that I'll have or how those decisions will affect those around me. I only know that they will. I only know that whether I choose to take the high road or the low, that my path will be altered permanently. Not choosing is still a choice, time will not pause for me to persist in my indecision. I can only wait a little before being pushed off the edge of the present into the unknown future where, whether I select or react, events will proceed.

The problem of choice is one that has perplexed philosophers, theologians, physicists and everyman for ages. As for me, what will be or what will not only exists my head. The only 'real' is what actually happens and is determined by all those myriad events that pass before and shape the velvety contour of the present landscape like so many mountains that direct the passing water. Rivers flow along the path of least resistance, they do not flow up the hill, nor do they 'decide' to flow elsewhere. They are pushed and pulled by forces beyond their control while at the same time themselves shaping the very landscape that shapes them, carving new paths for the rivers that follow in time.

"To be or not to be"

Now, that is the question isn't it?